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Robin made me promise that if anything ever happened to her I would tell our story, our twenty years of life and love, the struggle just to be together. This page will feature some of our conversations, some lighthearted, some heartbreaking, but always fighting for our place together in the sun.

Note: Use the Skype Scrollbar to Read More….

Weddings – Thursday, October 29, 2020

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Robin, 10:17 PM
your mine
10:17 PM
i love you
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Robin, 10:17 PM
and you made me a promise
a very romantic wedding in a very old French church
10:19 PM
I did
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Robin, 10:17 PM
with this beautiful white dress
robin wedding dress
and red roses
and I’m holding you to it
10:19 PM
you do
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Robin, 10:19 PM
and I know my family will want to see it. So we have to do it twice and then a handfast. So that’s three times lol
you have to marry me three times!
if not 4!
10:19 PM
Yep, that’s right
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Robin, 10:20 PM
by the time you make THAT many promises to God there will be no turning back
10:20 PM
that’s right
we’ll know the words off by heart
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Robin, 10:22 PM
we will
The thing is
and I didn’t want to admit this
to anyone esp you for some reason
but I am barely holding myself together here
and if the very thought comes into my head
even the thought
that it’s too late
for us
I lose my mind basically and I want to give up
just give up
10:26 PM
I get it
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Robin, 10:19 PM
so the thought of not having YOU makes me want to quit
10:26 PM
we’ve got to beat these fuckers, but they keep stacking the odds
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Robin, 10:27 PM
I will make you this promise
if Trump wins I will get my knee fixed as fast as I can and get there and we’ll marry then and we will find a place to live when you get back here with me
10:28 PM
yeah, we’ll do that, but maybe you should wait. I’m not happy about you going through all that while I’m not there
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Robin, 10:28 PM
and we will risk it all
10:28 PM
well, remember, we did say the other day what’ve we got left to lose
our handfasting bridge
our handfasting bridge

Heaven – Thursday, March 7, 2019

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Robin, 6:30:34 AM
it’s all I’ve ever wanted… to surrender to the one man whom I would allow to possess me
for 2 reasons
one is you’re the one, the only one I trust with myself completely
and two your the only one who never WANTED to possess OR control me
therefore I will allow it since I know you won’t abuse it or me
do you understand that?
do you understand me and my psyche about this?
6:32:03 AM
I do
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Robin, 6:32:56 AM
I want you to turn me inside out and crawl inside and become each other so one doesn’t stop and one doesn’t begin
6:33:04 AM
and be lost together
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Robin, 6:33:29 AM
After a lifetime of searching and longing and aching for you
I know for a fact you have never been loved the way I love you
nor have I ever loved another the way I love YOU
It’s terrifying
I come down on you the way I do about your health like i did the other day because I am so deeply paralyzed with fear that something will happen to you
6:36:16 AM
I know, my love
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Robin, 6:36:24 AM
and if you die for whatever reason you will take my soul with you
6:36:34 AM
It’d be the same for me if anything happened to you
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Robin, 6:37:34 AM
and the emptiness and sorrow and grief will consume me and burn me alive and all meaning or reason for breathing will be gone
not even my grandkids could comfort me out of it
6:38:04 AM
no, there’d be no reason left
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Robin, 6:38:38 AM
You have been the reason I could breathe on some days
all that kept my heart beating at times
6:38:53 AM
I’m here
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Robin, 6:39:22 AM
I can’t lose you now
i can’t
6:39:47 AM
No, we’re not going anywhere, neither of us
just down the road together, hand in hand
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Robin, 6:41:12 AM
I’m this strange mixture of re-found confidence and scared little girl over you
6:42:02 AM
because we’ve both been damaged and closed off for such a long, long time
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Robin, 6:42:11 AM
I told you once that if I died I would return to fight by your side and protect you from harm from that dimension. I meant it.
6:42:27 AM
I know you did, and I love you for it. I’d watch over and protect you, too
while I waited for you in Glory. I would be standing there right at the gates
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6:43:16 AM
God would let you be the one to come get me
6:43:23 AM
I would go to the gates every day and look for you
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Robin, 6:43:48 AM
Nooo, you would be with your Mother, but you would know when I was coming
and meet me when I arrived
as I believe she will
just for loving you
6:44:34 AM
I know, I’d be sat with Mom and we’d hear squeak… squeak… And I would say, here she comes, towing a luggage bag twice as big herself
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Robin, 6:44:56 AM
London lol. you’ve never let me forget that
You remember the things I’ve said to you. I meant every one of them
6:45:24 AM
and I meant every word too, my love

Our Life Together – Wednesday, January 2, 2019

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Robin, 7:26:05 PM
and the only…. the ONLY safe place that makes me calm is YOU
just YOU
in your arms, that’s it
7:26:24 PM
well, me too. I feel the same way about you
when I’m holding you or holding your hand
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Robin, 7:27:32 PM
So if I am possessive and I know I am it’s because you’re all I’ve got
7:27:59 PM
you’re all I’ve got
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Robin, 7:28:00 PM
it’s like being possessive of a drug that is the ONLY drug that will save my life
The only hope I’ve got
7:28:22 PM
i feel just the same about you
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Robin, 7:28:35 PM
Then i understand you
Do you understand ME?
7:28:44 PM
I understand you, my love
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Robin, 7:28:59 PM
I know I talk like i’m all together most of the time and when i’m out of this trailer I actually AM
then it shifts a little bit and while I dont quite feel so desperately dependent on you for survival I still know you are my only hope for any happiness
I don’t want you here because I can’t survive in that apartment because I can
I WANT you here because I WANT you here in the desert with me and I truly feel that we can be happy here
7:30:22 PM
I know
we should be together and should always have been. just the two of us in our little High Chaparral